Anxiety - another gift from you to me.

today i realized that ive a habit of seeing things that aren't.. romanticizing situations and thinking they are more than what they actually are, in saying that im glad i experienced the times but its not healthy to see further than you can and try predict the future, today is a low, im reflecting on an emil i sent to my mother, about everything that going on in my life, about things that have happened in the past, feelings that have been brewing and her answer was that she feels shes not a good parent and shes sorry, ultimatly i never asked to be here to go through the shit life has to throw at you, i never asked to join the table and have cards delt to me but im not one for backing down, people come to me with their problems, they ask me for help and for advice.. usually it works out for them and they are greatful, even if they never say so i understand that they are, but what gets me is when its my problem, its me that cant answer my own problems, i cant sort out my own life or give myself advice, where are the people with the good advice and help i need when im struggling?

Jack Daniels is a good companion when your feeling low, it warms you up and it feels like theres something or someone wrapped around you like a blanket keeping you warm, slowly releasing the grip in your chest thats stopping your breath, Anxiety is a strange one, it is a physiological and psychological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional and behavioral components, they are combined to create an unpleasant feeling that is typically associated with uneasiness, apprehension or worry. Its a normal reasction to stress in life, especially those that have more than just your average run of the mill stress bouts in life.. In general i think i have an anxiety disorder..

what is someone supposed to do when they cant see their kid, cant eat, cant sleep, dont want to interact with friends, cant sort out their own problems but can sort out everyone elses? cant get their head around their once in a lifetime job and feel like they havent made any progress at all? go to the doc? take some pills and hopefully it will make it all better? Im trying to write things down and get them off my chest.. it seems to be doing the job, but its only temporary.
How do you fill that void you have, that someone once filled, and throughout your life youve been looking for something or someone to fill the gap? and when you meet someone but its not what the other party wants and you havent the heart to say anything because it would cause undue preassue and distroy a friendship.. what does one do there? theres so many questions that i can never answer by myself, i know there are millions more people out there that go through whet im going through day in day out without tellin a soul, but some people just cant take it and have to talk, some people seek professional help, then there are some that try write down whats going on in their head and still feel like they are rotting from the inside out.

the jack is just finished.. i guess for now so am i.